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as a single child in the family, loneliness is already a very close friend for me. everyday, eat , sleep, watch movie, go shopping, go cinema, study, play computer game, rest, exercise….. all is just alone. before my beloved dad passed away, i still can asked him to accompany me. but now, who will accompany me? i like exercise, but i only can choose swimming, jogging and those exercise that i can do it alone. even i play mahjong, i only can find computer to play with.

many friends said i’m very ‘fei’, means very lame and always talk nonsense thing. but did they know how scare am i when i cant hear and see any noise or anyone from surroundings? how scare am i when i want to find someone to speak with, but i cant find any of them to speak to? how scare am i when i think of one day, i might lost my mum suddenly, just like my dad? how scare am i when i’m very happy but i cant share my joy with anyone? how scare am i when i suddenly realise only mr. lonely beside me?

At one moment, when i pick up my phone to call someone, i cant find anyone to call!!! my phone list have 189 contact number, but, who should i call? call A? no, he has paper tomorrow. call B? she already back to malaysia, not in singapore. call C? no, he might accompanying with his girlfriend. call D? he dont know much about me, so cannot share alots of things with him. at that moment, i saw the picture that i took with mum and dad, and it was the only photo that i had with me in this lonely world……

suddenly, i realised that the surroundings is so quite, and the aircon is so cold. i wish the coldness can freeze mr. lonely and let him stay forever here and dont come and follow me….. i had enough to face u!!!

and suddenly, i realised why i’m so addicted to computer. she will always waiting for me to come and help me to get rid mr lonely.

now i think i should go back to study in the room that only me and my notes…….

sigh…… why i have to face this?

tomorrow i have 2 papers to go for, and i even havent finish my study yet…… why? why we need to study? what we get after the exam if we just swallow everything in and vomit them out in the exam hall?

my friend even worst, need to swallow 1000++ pages of textbook. her paper is tomorrow, but she still have 400++ pages havent covered. how a poor girl…..

Planned not to sleep too much tonight, or just sleep for a few hours in the classroom, then go for the exam. But, will it help? can it help me to do better in the exam? i dont know…..

Sometimes, i really wish that i have strong determination and spirit to continue study, but when i look on the 12 pages that i need to swallow in, i start to make a wish:"can i call doraemon out and ask him to give me the ‘memory bread’, so that i can copy them on the bread and just swallow it?"

i think i better back to my study…… wish me luck!!!